Your lie in April

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All the negativities and wickedness I see everyday upset me greatly. I can list them all, from the gun policies in America to the fake masks on people at school, and it doesn’t stop there. People see me as an optimistic soul—which I am, but there’s always a shadow hiding behind the light that shines upon others.

I don’t have much of a legitimate story to tell my audience, but I would like to express what I feel about philosophical things: life, the world, and humans in general. As much as I can remember about myself when I was a kid, I would always possess a strong sense of justice. When people cut in long lunch lines or when a teacher wanted a volunteer to read a passage, I would feel obligated to be involved—standing up for the sake of righteousness. However, as time ticks away, I find myself weak compared to the courage I once had. At times, I would sob painfully in my bed with my face buried in my tear-drenched pillow thinking about how much I’ve changed—how weak I became. It hurts me just to think or even just to be alive.

I’ve always been different, weird, and even strange, but that’s the part I truly like about myself. I was blunt about my emotions, feeling accomplished when I make my classmates laugh, and lived every day to the fullest. However, I tried to cover my sadness with optimism and I overthought. I wonder why am I so lonely in this world—why people curse every other word, act so kind to you before the election and change faces after knowing the results, why compassionate human beings ignore the homeless. Why have we become so cold, inconsiderate, and despicable when we are supposed to be brothers and sisters?

Why are we like this now? Is it because of money? Society? Education? Is it because when society catches on to trends, you feel obligated to do the same? People say they embrace people who are different, but their actions and words say otherwise. You don’t know their stories or scars and bruises they formed over time, so why assume that they’re fine with a small insult? Assumptions, words, and actions hurt. Thus, I isolated myself more this year because I’m tired of giving my all only to receive hatred back.

Continuing the questions: why is it that the overload of work can delete a person’s ability to do simple greetings and why people don’t get enough sleep because of the pressure set on their shoulders? I care about things like this. I can’t stand it when students cry over a math test because I feel their pain. I can’t bear thinking how people suffer and I don’t.

I care about people around me, but most of the time, it goes to waste. That’s what hurts me—almost haunts me to not care anymore since no one appreciates it—but I won’t. What haunts me more is if I stop caring. I would take someone else’s pain so they can have a better day. But it hurts too much sometimes.

I don’t have a solution to my problems and questions yet, but I would like to say that we should all look into the good of this world and in others. Sometimes people can bring so much negativity that all the good news are overpowered. I don’t expect people to change around me after reading this, but if you read up till here, I would like to thank you from all my heart for just listening to what I have to say. I rest my case.


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